I work at a bank.  Hardly my dream job, but it pays the bill until someone from a certain town about an hour south of me decides to knock down my door and pay me for what I went to school for.  Which would be film.  In my spare time, I write short stories and (more to the point of the coming rant) screenplays.  I've flirted with the line of success on a couple of occasions before the men with the checkbooks figured out I was a little too subversive to be allowed into their ranks.

Reading Kyle's small, and some would say relatively inconsequential post on the front page about the state of the Gears movie, I became enraged.  After posting a rather long response to the story, I figured my thoughts on the matter would find a better forum here.

I love games.  I mean I LURVE games.  As in I come home from work, and all I really feel compelled to do is kick back, pick up a controller and vegetate with some dinner and a game until it's time to go to bed.  And the primary reason I love games is the manner in which they have, in their own small way, revolutionized the narrative arts.  Hollywood has tried over the past nigh on twenty years to translate the medium of games to film with, let's face it, minimal success.  And by minimal, I mean, none.  As in I've seen but two that actually, in my humble opinion, seem to work (more on those in a bit).

The only reason I can find for the craptacular return on investment in these situations is simple.  Hollywood execs seem to play games about as much as they watch movies (trust me, you don't want to know...).  This is an industry that is driven by their bottom line.  And when one sees that a particular game (or whatever the hell they're sticking their bent, meddling fingers into) makes a cubic s***ton of cash, they just latch on to the property and to hell with the results (we've all seen Super Mario Bros...).  So the equation ultimately turns out looking something like this.

Greedy Execs + Uninterested Writers for Hire x Money Enough to Make Croesis Jealous / The Assumption Gamers Are Uninformed Buffoons Who Won't Care Because We Seem to be Easily Entertained and Only Loyal to a Name = Greedy, Cynical, Insulting Condescension.

Judging by the raging success of such cinematic masterpieces as Double Dragon, Mortal Kombat: Annihilation and the collected works of Uve Boll, the equation seems to be about as effective at making money as trying to sell the recipe for ice to an Eskimo.  

There are those games that serve as little more than a slight diversion on a lazy weekend.  Where, once completed, leaves you with the feeling of an unsuccessful night on the town.  Sure you got your drink on, had a little fun, and feel great for just having left the house.  Then there are those games that, when all is said and done, stay with you and become talking points for conversations with friends.

Then there is Heavy Rain.

To call this a game is to miss the point entirely.  Nor would it be correct to dismiss it as just a six to eight hour quick-time event.  Heavy Rain is an experience that defies classification and flies in the face of all you think you know about gaming.  This is heady stuff and not for the faint of heart or those with a traditionally itchy trigger finger.

When a series of horrific child murders spreads its shadow over a small unnamed city, four strangers find their lives irreversibly altered.  Their fates inextricably entwined.  Ethan Mars is a sullen divorced father, coming to grips with the death of his eldest son.  Scott Shelby makes his way as a private investigator, doing his best to help the families of the victims of who the media have dubbed "The Origami Killer."  Norman Jayden is a Federal agent who is beyond driven to not only find the killer, but to calm a beast that resides in himself as well.  Madison Paige, a journalist, struggles with crippling insomnia and terrifying nightmares.

As their paths leads them to their respective fates, the narrative forms around the choices made with respect to their given situation.  Forget Mass Effect's nuanced morality scheme and dialogue wheel.  As impressive as that game is in regards to how the player's choices affect the world around them, it doesn't carry the same level of weight that Quantic Dream has given to their story.  There are genuine consequences to every little choice made.  This isn't about picking something that's shaded in red or blue and working to fill a set morality scale.  David Cage and company have found the nerve to respect their audience by freeing them from an arcane penalty/reward system and giving them the opportunity to react and respond as though these things were actually happening to them.  The ultimate reward is by going with your gut and living with the outcome.

A few caveats must be forwarded to those interested in this title, however.  First and foremost, THIS IS NOT A GAME.  Not in the traditional sense, at least.  This is, as the very first trophy you will earn will tell you, an interactive drama.  There are no hordes of enemies to defeat, item management to be hassled with and not one experience point to be had.  Heavy Rain is a cerebral exercise that is solely intended to tell a story and allow you to truly be a part of it.   For anyone even remotely interested, but hasn't quite got the right idea of what this title actually is, download the demo first.  Give the demo a spin, try approaching the scenarios in a different way each time, and see just how everything works before deciding to drop your money.  There will be many people crying foul on this one because whatever they are expecting, this will not be it.

Funny how things can change on a dime and one has no real reasonable explanation.  Just a blank stare and a look that screams "how did I get here?"  Between my now past birthday and the impending national day of lip service to members of your family that you would never see were it not for some co-opted Pagan solstice ritual, I wound up taking a forced detour on the way to somewhere entirely different.

Everyone has that friend that shows up once in a blue moon to let you know how much better than you they're doing and to commemorate the occasion with what they deem to be a paltry token of their continuing condescension...I mean "affection" for you.  For me, it was actually a blessing in disguise.

Now, apparently, this guy is not a member of this site, nor has he obviously spoken to me in the last few months.  Because he flung a GameStop bag at me and said, "oh yeah, I got you something for your birthday."  Inside the bag was a copy of Modern Warfare 2: Hardened Edition.  He spat off some rationale along the lines of how he remembered I always liked games and that this seemed to be the one everyone was talking about.  I said thank you, we proceeded to have a few drinks and he left.

I looked at that classy looking box for a good half-hour, wondering whether or not I should just Michael eBay the hell out of it when I decided "why not."

...I kinda beat that game in two sittings...

I COULDN'T STOP PLAYING!!!  Every new mission was like an interactive action movie in and of itself.  For every run and gun mission I barely escaped my the skin of my teeth, there was a stealth mission waiting to steal my last breath.  I didn't really care that I was playing the best video game adaptation of Red Dawn ever made, I love that movie too.  This was just a pleasant surprise.

The United States' Surgeon General warns that the following statement may cause heart attack, stroke, nausea and possible loss of bowel control...

I have no interest whatsoever in Modern Warfare 2.

...it's all right.  I can wait...

...back from the hospital yet?

Good.

To explain.  This view is not at all for lack of trying.  I've been wondering myself that if, as a gamer, I may just have a head full of bad wiring.  God knows I tried to hop on that bandwagon.  I really did.  I WANT to be interested in this game.  I want to know the thrill of the hunt in a tense multiplayer match, stalking my racist, foul-mouthed, poorly raised fourteen year-old prey.  To experience what is sure to be a phenomenal single-player experience as well as what I hear is an amazing co-op with the Spec-Ops mode.

Home again, home again...

The daily grind complete, it's now time to get down to the things that really matter.  I spend all day working as the gatekeeper for people's finances, little do they know that after hours, I hold the fate of worlds in my hands.  Slayer of demons, destroyer of worlds, I alone am the key to the salvation of millions.  If only they knew the power I wield while not asking them how they would like their cash.

Just last week, the world was quietly redeemed by my heroic efforts, travelling the globe and discovering the truth behind the treasure of Marco Polo.  With a few loyal (and not so loyal) friends by my side, and a regular rogue's gallery at my back, the world was saved from a megalomaniac bent on seizing the greatest power the world has ever known...and I got the girl...

Not long before, I and my stalwart crew on the Normandy were once again sent across the galaxy on a suicide mission to bring peace to the galaxy.  Many brave souls were lost in the constant fray, but their souls lived on and gave us strength, propelling us to our final showdown with the lethal renegade Spectre known as Saren.  At times, we maybe made choices considered ill-advised, but they were all in the service of the greater good.

One stormy evening, I stalked my psychotic prey through the decrepit catacombs of Arkham Island.  Every blind corner a threat, all in my path brought me one step closer to my arch-nemesis.  Through sheer will, determination and cunning, I left many in my wake.  Driven by desire for justice, fueled by vengeance.  By dawn, I emerged victorious.  My foe defeated once more.

Over the weekend, I even found time to step into the shoes of the other side and started to stage my own taut prison break from the amoral, sinister depths of Butcher Bay.  So far, I've learned that none can be trusted and all are against me.  I have yet to find my way into the Pit, but if the night is truly darkest before the dawn, I look forward to blazing my trail through the dark to ultimate freedom.

A gamer from birth, my parents raised me right.  Dad was a Pac-Man fanatic, Mom was a Centipede girl.  Driving out to Gemco in Victorville in the spring of 1983, I had no concept of what Atari was or how there was 5200 different ones out there.  They had dropped the three-hundred and fifty bones for themselves, but it was my brother and I who got hooked.  Whether I was swinging through the trees, trying to save the girl in Jungle Hunt, or saving the planet's only natural satellite in Moon Patrol, I was a fiend.  After a time, it started to corrupt my childhood playtime.  While other children were running down the street playing Cops and Robbers, I was lurking through the fields near the house with a stick, looking for Ganon and trying to con the pretty little blonde girl down the way to be my Princess Zelda.

...go ahead and ask me how the second part of that plan went...

We all played the living hell out of that cumbersome black box for years.  Then something called "Nintendo" came out.  Mind you we were still playing that Atari until 1990.  You gonna sit there and tell me you got eight years out of your 3DO?  Yeah, and Saturn was a real stalwart console too.  But this "Nintendo?"  Talk about learning from experience the meaning of the word "covet."